if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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