I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
