you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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