Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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