she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i dont even know how to be here
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
