A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
