he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
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