The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
