I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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