i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
