his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
