You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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