my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
