No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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