Duck Duck Cougar?
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
