You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
