so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
