I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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