I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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