I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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