he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
