Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
