I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
