Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
