It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
