She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Randomize
