i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
