What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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