Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
