I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
