I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
