I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize