Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
