you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
