I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
