So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize