The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
