sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
