Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
