does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
