I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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