Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
