So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Randomize
