oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
