I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
