Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
