I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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