i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Randomize
