just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize