i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
