Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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