Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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