we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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