And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
