He asked to "fluff my boner.."
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
