I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
My feet surprised me
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