I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
