Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
