she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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