NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
