Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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