If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
