Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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