my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
