I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
