i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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