You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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