That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Randomize
