Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
