just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
