I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
