Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
